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I shut my eyes & all the world drops dead. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Misty Marie Wilmot.

[ I thought | it must ]
[ be the | worst thing ]
[ in the | world. ]

(no subject) [Apr. 29th, 2007|08:52 pm]
I have a new livejournal, kids. [info]abagfullofgod!
add them shits, son.
link[die.]

(no subject) [Apr. 19th, 2007|03:53 pm]
These days, I get the feeling that everyone is lying to me. Every word that anyone tells me strikeds me as falsehood. No matter what they tell me; that they love me, something they did over the weekend, anything, I feel like they're just trying to fuck with me. Trying to see if I'll buy it. I'm out of control.







Fuck you, Robitussin.
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(no subject) [Apr. 18th, 2007|09:33 am]
I think I'll convert to Hinduism.
link[die.]

Discontent. [Mar. 5th, 2007|05:11 pm]
[music |Perpetual Groove.]

I've forgotten who I am. Or rather: I've lost myself. I'm completely dissatisfied. Nothing is appealing. My grades are fucked and it's like I'm just waiting for them to jump back up where they should be. I care about fewer people than ever. I say I love a lot of people I don't. I don't tell a lot of people I love that they mean the world to me. I kiss and show affection to all the wrong people. I hurt people. I have a habit of leading people on. I hate everything that define's people perception of me. I think I should start doing drugs. I need a job. I blame working for my failing pre-cal and chemistry. I hate smoking. I can't stop, because it's comforting. I don't want to be sick like my grandmother when I'm older. I resent my dad. I miss my sister. I want desperately for certain people to like me. I need a nerve pill, so I can just go to sleep. I hope God exists. If he does, I hope he still gives a shit. I hate all the music I listen to, the clothes I wear, the things I do, most of the people with whom I surround myself, the way I act, the books I read, the things I think, and my utter lack of motivation. I love my mom and my brother and my grandmother, and Corey and Autumn and Missy and Jeffrey. The best friends I've ever had were the ones I met at church, like Stephanie and Scotty, and I miss them terribly. I miss how sure of myself and my future I used to be. I miss the one person I shouldn't. I miss taking naps with Rebekah and going places with Jesse and the Random Witness Ministry. I miss singing in church. I miss how happy I used to be. I miss Chapter 41. I miss holding hands and all that other mushy bullshit. I miss the feeling of having someone around who I could turn to for anything. I miss lunch in the library with Sarah and Dusty. I miss when my grandmother wasn't sick. I miss being content with Christianity. I miss April/May. I miss when all my best friends were still here and everything was still all right. I miss Rebekah lighting all my cigarettes. I miss smoking because I felt like it, not because I needed to. I miss when the Spice Girls were cool. I miss everything I've ever experienced. I miss thinking sixteen was going to be cool and fun. I miss when cassette tapes were what everyone listened to. I miss good music. I miss the idea that going to a good college was guaranteed. I miss not worrying about money. I miss when my grandmother wasn't worrying about whether or not she had a burial plot next to her mother. I miss getting Dairy Queen for breakfast and going to yard sales with my grandmother on Saturdays. I miss when everything was clear-cut. I miss when Jeffrey and I would make tents with sheets and chairs and play store. I miss the way I adored my mom and how I never thought I'd move out. I miss when R-rated movies were for grown-ups and I wasn't allowed to watch. I miss everything.

I take back what I said about today being a good day.
link[die.]

(no subject) [Mar. 5th, 2007|03:58 pm]
Today I smoked a lot, ate ice cream, sold a yearbook ad, and did absolutely nothing in any of my classes.
All in all: a good day.





I'm positive that I'm going to fail pre-cal & chemistry, unless by some miracle from the gods.







Fuck it, mayne. I'm sick of being stressed.
link[die.]

(no subject) [Feb. 18th, 2007|01:20 am]
I'll probably regret this later, but I'm pissed.



Okay, listen. I don't give a shit who you're putting in front of whom or any of that bullshit. Fuck yourself over all you want, but when you start fucking with me, that's when I get pissed. If you're going to fuck me over because someone else is more important, that's fine, but be straightforward about it. If you're going to be such a little twat about everything, don't try to hide it. Don't call yourself my friend if you're not. I don't need that shit. I'm not some drama whore like you are, which you should have grown out of years ago. My life does not revolve around gossip and seeing which of my friends about whom I can talk shit, when they're not around.
That's not how I do shit, baby, and I'll be damned if you're going to get it started.


Grow the fuck up, pleaseandthankyou.
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(no subject) [Feb. 13th, 2007|10:06 pm]
[music |Nine Inch Nails.]

I have other, possibly more important things that I could be doing. For example: I have a speech due tomorrow that I haven't started (of course). I also have chemistry homework (I have a 57 average in that class). I've got all these fucking cupcakes I'm supposed to take to school tomorrow for Valentine's day and I've got to decorate all 23 of them.
Tonight, I'm in the worst mood. I'm not sure what triggered it, but I can't stand to look at my notebook with my homework, those cupcakes, or Microsoft Word.
The thing is: I put too much emotion into friendships. I also get fucked over a lot.
And more & more of my friends are just picking up & leaving.
This weather has me wanting Love more tangible.

Goddamn, I had so much to write whine about. Honestly, I'm just disappointed.
With everyone & everything.

[edit.]

Goodnight, livejournal.
link[die.]

(no subject) [Nov. 29th, 2006|06:59 pm]
[location |home.]
[music |Chris Ellis gossiping.]

I dated a fat ugly muffin.








Bitch, you look fucking pregnant. (Not you, Candace. :|)
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(no subject) [Nov. 26th, 2006|02:01 pm]
omg, you're serious.

lol@you.
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(no subject) [Nov. 25th, 2006|05:56 pm]
eep.


I don't even know who I am, anymore.
link[die.]

(no subject) [Nov. 24th, 2006|01:26 pm]
Without my best friends, my heart would never beat.

Rebekah, Melissa, Abby, et cetera. I love you guys.
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(no subject) [Nov. 22nd, 2006|01:18 pm]
How fucking ridiculous. You're a fucking idiot.

Dumb fucking cunt.
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I just don't want to die without a few scars. [Nov. 18th, 2006|12:57 pm]
I’m not sure if you’ll read this, but if you do, I’m kind of hoping you won’t know it’s about you.
But mostly, I hope you do.
First, I want to make it clear that I did not have any hope for us. Not besides just hoping to be friends & having you in my life at all fucking costs.
Second, I think you should know that I haven’t been krasie over you all this time. There have been other people since you & me. It’s just that, when we started talking again, I felt myself falling for you just the way I had before, only this time I knew what I was getting into, and I fought it – fought you – with everything I had.
More than anything, it breaks me – my heart, my hope (not for you, but for someone), the fucking bravado I-don’t-need-anyone-because-I’m-K-T-O-N-and-I’m-tough-as-fucking-nails bullshit, my everything – to hear you refer to our relationship as what you did & talk about how it hurt her. Her? I don’t know her and I don’t care to, but I’m willing to bet she hasn’t put up with this shit.
And maybe she has. Maybe I’m way off base, but she’s five hundred fucking miles away, and it’s a lot easier to not think about someone when you don’t see their friends everywhere & they don’t live four blocks away.
Four fucking blocks away, and you were almost always too busy to come see me? Disregard the fact that relationships I’d put so much fucking work into fell apart because of our relationship and – a year later – they still can’t be repaired.
But don’t get me wrong – I’m happy where I am. I really am. I like that the only boy I really hang out with doesn’t expect anything from me & loves me regardless of just about anything. More than that, I love that my relationship with him is so strictly platonic. I like dedicating my burps to him & joking about the one time it was a little more than platonic (but only a little).
And I have the most amazing friends. Some of them I’ve only met recently, but it seems like I’ve known them all my life. And my best friend – surely you know who she is, right? – God, she’s so incredible. She’s heard about you & him & her & everything that’s gone on in my life, & she’s considerate enough to pretend it actually matters in the long run.
None of this does.
I’m terrified of everything that has happened & will happen (not only with you, but with everyone & everything) – but I’ll be okay.
I don’t want you worrying about me or how I’ve been hurt or any of that shit.
I really do love my life.
I also love you, and I swear that I will until the day I die.
link[die.]

(no subject) [Nov. 14th, 2006|10:54 pm]
I'm absolutely fucking nauseous, and I blame you.

And you sang
and sang
and sang
your sweet songs to me
as I drifted off to sleep.
link[die.]

(no subject) [Nov. 14th, 2006|09:06 pm]
I have never in my life been more angry at God.

God:
I blame you for all this. I really, honestly do. I blame you for the fact that Seth is dead. I blame you for the fact that everyone has to go through this. I blame you for Adrian having seen it. I especially blame you for the way Adrian was crying on the phone, tonight. How fucking desperate he was. I fucking blame you, because I know you're there & I know you could have stopped it & you didn't. So fuck you.
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(no subject) [Nov. 12th, 2006|08:41 pm]
There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. Whenever I'm sad I'm going to die, or so nervous I can't sleep, or in love with somebody I won't be seeing for a week, I slump down just so far and then I say: "I'll go take a hot bath."
I meditate in the bath. The water needs to be very hot, so hot you can barely stand putting your foot in it. Then you lower yourself, inch by inch, till the water's up to your neck.
I remember the ceiling over every bathtub I've stretched out in. I remember the texture of the ceilings and the cracks and the colors and the damp spots and the light fixtures. I remember the tubs, too: the antique griffin-legged tubs, and the modern coffin-shaped tubs, and the fancy pink marble tubs overlooking indoor lily ponds, and I remember the shapes and sizes of the water taps and the different sorts of soap holders.
I never feel so much myself as when I'm in a hot bath.
-The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath.


I feel about eighteen billion times better, kids.
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(no subject) [Nov. 11th, 2006|03:08 pm]
I'm drunk off the smell of you. And I swear to God, you're the reason I'm so dizzy.
link[die.]

(no subject) [Nov. 10th, 2006|06:21 pm]
I'm completely fucking sick
of being built up,
over & fucking over,
and then crashing, crashing, crashing back down.

asdlkmaf. Today was quite possibly the worst day of my life.
link[die.]

Yes, it's true, [Nov. 8th, 2006|10:32 pm]
[music |Down a Rabbit Hole, Bright Eyes.]

I romanticize everything I do
(especially when it comes to you).

God, I don't even know. My head hurts. I'm still trembling, just at the thought of you.
link[die.]

(no subject) [Nov. 7th, 2006|11:03 pm]
I love you, I love you, I love you.

Please tell me you love me, too.
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(no subject) [Nov. 4th, 2006|09:31 pm]
Do you see the stars?
They've been hung for you.



Okay. 1. I got fired from KFC. For being disrespectful to a manager. I've already got another job in line, so it's cool. 2. I'm blonde. Very blonde. if you don't like it, I don't give a damn.

On to more important things.
I couldn't draw a single breath, if it was not for Miss Rebekah Faile.

I love you, livejournal.


post-script: I always have to say something in regards to you. Tonight, I say that I honest-to-God can't stand you sometimes, but I also remember how you always kept me warm.
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(no subject) [Oct. 28th, 2006|01:53 am]
[music |Sea Lion, Sage Francis.]

Jeffrey's moved down here (again), but I think it'll be for good, this time. Which really sucks (for him, that is), because he doesn't know anyone here. He's not even in school to be able to meet anyone.
Which means Katie has a new permanent & involuntary companion.
Truth is: I don't really like Jeffrey all that much. He's my cousin & I love him unconditionally, but he talks too much. And always about shit I could never care about in a thousand years.
Like his car.
I don't want to hang out with him, but I will, because I'm too nice to tell him no. He makes people uncomfortable, because he thinks he's better than everyone.
Too bad he's not.
I don't know. I just don't like him being here.

I just noticed this randomly placed two-liter of soda on my computer desk. wtf.

Just so you know: I really do miss you, when we don't talk. And I still can't walk past someone wearing your cologne without having my heart drop.
And all I want is for you to have everything you've ever dreamed.
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(no subject) [Oct. 23rd, 2006|10:50 pm]
I find it completely incredible that the only way I can bring myself to pray is if it's for someone else.
link[die.]

(no subject) [Oct. 23rd, 2006|10:34 pm]
God, oh God, oh God.

I need you.

Why can't I find you?
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(no subject) [Oct. 15th, 2006|01:22 am]
[location |home.]
[music |Fascination Street, The Cure.]

I don't believe that anybody
feels the way I do about you, now.

Fuck the way he makes me feel.
Fuck the way he doesn't realize it.
Fuck how I keep falling back into this.
Fuck it.

I really didn't want this to be a one-man pity party, but I really feel like shit. I'm broken, broken, broken, & nothing makes a difference.

And I know you'll think this is about you.

I want you to know that I loved the way you taste.

I think my eyeballs might fall out, soon, & I really want some [more] Taco Bell.
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(screaming whispers in the dark.) [Oct. 13th, 2006|06:35 am]
[location |home, faggots.]
[music |Bracelets, The Spill Canvas.]

Currently Reading: Haunted, Chuck Palahniuk.

There are very few people in whose company I really feel like I can be myself. Not the watered-down bullshit version of myself most people see. People that I'll burp in front of, then dedicate it to them. Girls I can feel up without them freaking out, & boys with whom I can discuss sex, without any expectations.
None of you know how much that means to me. Seriously.
The more & more I think about it, the less I like the idea of someone going with me to visit Rebekah. With the exception of a very minute group of people (Jesse & Caitlin probably make up the entire list), I can't imagine that it would be nearly as fun. Not that I don't like other people who would/could go, it's just that I want things to be exactly like they were, in April/May. I want it to all feel the way it did, then.
You don't complete that.

For the longest time, people have been telling me that my teenage years are the years that I'm supposed to be spending figuring shit out. Does that mean I'll eventually understand everything in my life? I don't think it does, & I really hope it doesn't, because I'm afraid of what that could mean.
I'm not ready to know how to act.
I don't even know what I'm talking about, anymore.

If you're reading this (& I doubt you are), I want you to know that I think about you all the fucking time.
I swore I wouldn't do this again.
link[die.]

(no subject) [Aug. 21st, 2006|07:21 am]
[music |(I Think it's Gonna) Be Alright, AcousticFlava. :\]

omfg, it's livejournal!

Yeah, so, I haven't been on livejournal in about an eternity & a half. Partly due to lack of motivation; mostly because I don't have time to think or breathe, much less dick around on here.

I've been working constantly, and it's not showing any signs of slowing, any time soon.

I get paid this Friday, though, so it's cool.

Oh, and! I'm off this Friday, so I expect to see all you fuckers at the mall. I miss you guys. :(

Have a good day/night/whenever you read this.

♥
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(no subject) [Jul. 30th, 2006|10:40 pm]
You guys, this is me, before most of you knew me.



Humpf.
I hardly recognize myself.
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(no subject) [Jul. 26th, 2006|03:52 pm]
Sup, kids? I got my permit, today, so I'm excited.

That's about it.
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(no subject) [Jul. 26th, 2006|11:41 am]
I want you to know that I dreamed about you, last night. All I want is to make you happy. & to love & be loved.




Fuck, kids. I'm hella tired. Still, though, I hit my snooze button about 29384752398503 times. Jackson came & woke me up around 11:30, & I started yelling at him. :|

I only have two cigarettes, so I's got to make a trip to the store at some point, today.

I think that's all; I'll update, once I'm awake enough to articulate myself.

Love you, Livejournal Friends.

♥
link[die.]

(no subject) [Jul. 25th, 2006|11:18 pm]
[location |home, mothafukkas.]
[music |We Laugh Indoors, Death Cab for Cutie.]

Some people are completely incredible to me. Whether it be that they remind me so much of myself or that they're so simplistic in the things they enjoy, I love it. I love people so much, right now.

Most people, anyway.

I'm going to take my permit test, tomorrow. I'm only on page twelve of the manual. Fuck. I really don't want to fail them shits.

Your eyes must do some rainin', if you're ever gonna grow.
& when cryin' don't help, you can't compose yourself,
it's best to compose a poem -
an honest verse of longing
or a simple song of hope.


Shit, kids, I'm tired. I haven't had my daily quota of eight cups of coffee.
I may go to sleep, soon.

I haven't talked to Rebekah since this morning. I think I might call her, soon, sos that we can both get some sleep.

Loveyoukbye, Internet.



Post-script: I really fucking hate trying to talk to people online & having them respond with one. fucking. word.
Jaysus.
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(no subject) [Jul. 25th, 2006|05:56 pm]
I'm really fucking scared, you guys.

Oh God.
Oh God.
Oh God.

I'm fucking terrified.
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(no subject) [Jul. 24th, 2006|12:52 am]
I just want to make something clear:
No matter how much I bitch about him, I love my cousin, Corey, more than life. He is the most amazing person I know, & I would like to retract any negative statements I've made about him, to date.
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(no subject) [Jul. 23rd, 2006|10:57 pm]
Rebekah's gone, kiddies, & it went by way too fast.
I'm glad she came, & I'm glad she didn't cry, when she left.

I want some yogurt.

I've been talking to Chris, tonight, & I'm very glad for such things. I've missed him, & I had forgotten about how he makes me laugh.

And will someone please explain to me what is up with myspace's problem?

Jaysus.
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(no subject) [Jul. 17th, 2006|05:09 pm]
[music |Brothers on a Hotel Bed, Death Cab for Cutie.]

OMFG YOU GUYS
REBEKAH IS GOING TO BE HERE
IN TWO DAYS. :D

I'm very excited.

< /krasie>
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(no subject) [Jul. 17th, 2006|12:21 am]
KT ON has a new email address, cute kids.

intellectual__intercourse@hotmail.com
link[die.]

(no subject) [Jul. 16th, 2006|11:16 pm]
ATTENTION EVERYONE:
Vonda Mullins requests your attendance at the Cinema Four at the Middlesboro Mall, tomorrow at 5:00.
Presents would be in order.

Loveyoukbye.
link[die.]

(no subject) [Jul. 16th, 2006|01:49 pm]
Feeling this way: no bueno.

Just so you know, I really look forward to talking to you. Even when I don't get to.

I'm off to Vonda's cookout!

Loveyoukbye.
link[die.]

(no subject) [Jul. 16th, 2006|04:07 am]
[music |Mouth Like a Magazine, Showbread]

Won't you hold me closer,
just one more minute,
until the execution's over?


I feel very . . . conflicted, right now. I miss Rebekah like krasie. Certain prospects in other parts of my life make me feel great. But doubt & fear cloud everyfuckingthing.

Just so you know, he fucked me over, hard. And it's still hard to deal with, sometimes.

I got a new CD, today; TobyMac, Diverse City. Ehh.

MSN keeps dying, so I give up.

Five days until my birthday.

Vonda's been here for days, & I'm yet to see her.

I can't focus on one thing long enough to even write a livejournal entry, kids. For this, I apologize.

I've been listening to the Blood Brothers a lot, today. Me gusta. O', Nostalgia!

I just. don't. know.

I know it doesn't make sense, but I'm really glad he told me no. I'd regret it, & I hate regretting anything.

I want to fall in love.

I want to see you, soon. And I want you to kiss me.

I don't want to turn into one of those girls.

All I want is for you to just let me in. Really, I just want to be there for you. I promise.

Do you know I'm talking about you? I hope so.

Geez, if I'm going to be writing this krasie shit, I should just go to bed.

I think I will.

Phone calls are nice, once in a while, don't you agree?

Fuck.

< /babble>
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(no subject) [Jul. 13th, 2006|05:53 pm]
What's up, my beautiful homosexuals?

I have a puppy for the weekend. (We're dog-sitting.)

I'll be home later, beautiful people.

loveyoukbye.
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(no subject) [Jul. 13th, 2006|04:14 pm]
FUUUUUUUUCK.


Funny observation: a vast majority of the employees at Kentucky Fried Chicken are black. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing when I saw this large, black man carrying a giant tray of fried chicken.
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(no subject) [Jul. 13th, 2006|02:31 pm]
I've spent my morning dancing to Love Is Strange by Mickey & Sylvia, while enjoying the goodness that is nicotine. Today begins my employment, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. However, I am scheduled to be off work, the entire time Rebekah is in town. So . . . woo.
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(no subject) [Jul. 6th, 2006|01:10 am]
[music |Iris (acoustic), Goo Goo Dolls]

I was tagged by Jenna.
"List up to ten (10) things you want to say to ten (10) people. Do not state who these people are. Do not confirm or deny any comment speculation."

1. Sometimes, I really miss you. I miss you more than you could possibly imagine, and it hurts. It really physically fucking hurts. You don't know what you did to me, when you left. When you left, you took Paige with you. I loved Paige more than you know, because you don't know what it's like to truly love someone. You're too selfish to ever love someone the way I love you.

2. Oh God, I miss you so bad. Every moment of every day. You're the best friend anyone could ever ask for. You're my lifeblood & I want you to be sure you know that. I'm so sorry for everything, and you'll never understand how grateful I am that you forgave me.

3. I'm sorry that I pushed you away. I'm sorry it took me so long to let go & realize you didn't love me. But it's what you told me, & I was clinging to your every word. Even that night on the phone, you said you still loved me & that you'd always love me. I really wish things were different, now. I wish we could be friends, but I've tried that, & you won't have it. Just know that, no matter what, I love you so much & I thank you for everything you were and are still to me.

4. Oh God, you're so grown up, now. You're six, now, right? Oh God, I haven't seen you in so long. I'm sure you're just as beautiful as the last time I saw you. How are you doing in school? You were always so smart. Do you still have your ring you used to wear? It was the cutest thing you could ever hope to see. I want you to know that I love you & I miss you & it's not my fault we haven't seen each other. I've tried. I've tried so hard. Please don't let him hurt you, the way he hurt me. Just don't depend on him like I did. Don't let him tell you he's always going to be there.

5. I know that I take you for granted a lot of the time. I don't mean to, I swear. I just know that you're always going to be there, no matter what. And I say & do things without thinking. I never want to hurt you. Ever. I want to make you proud with every move I make. I want to be everything you dreamed I would be, even before I was born. I just don't know how to do that, and I'm sorry. All I wanted was to be just like you, when I was little. But, oh God, I can't be like you. I can't let that happen. I can't be here, miserable, while my kids learn to hate me. I can't fucking do that. I'm not going to be afraid my kids will make the same mistakes I made, because I'm going to be happy with the way I end up. I'm going to make sure of that.

6. I remember looking up to you my whole life, until about a year ago. That was the first time I saw you drunk. That was the first time I saw how imperfect you were. Fifteen fucking years old, and you were still my hero. And it all came crashing down. I pretended it didn't bother me; like I was pissed off about what you were saying. Fuck that. I was fucking destroyed, & it's all I can think about, sometimes. You were my role model, growing up, and it still fucking kills me. It fucking kills me.

7. You were so smart, when we were growing up. You were the standard to which I was supposed to rise. What the fuck happened to you? When did you turn into this person who fucking lies & steals & gets fucked up all the time? How didn't I see it coming? Why didn't I fucking know how fucked up you were? I could have talked to you. I could have been there for you, when your mom was out with whoever, but I wasn't. And now look at you. FUCKING LOOK AT YOURSELF. Are you proud of who you've become? Are you? Are you fucking okay with it? You had so much fucking going for you. You were so smart. You were so goddamn smart, & I was so fucking envious. The next thing I know, you're about to fail high school & you've got two fucking DUIs under your belt. Where did it go wrong? Why don't you fucking grow up? You want to be treated like an adult, so fucking act like one. Don't whine & bitch & complain about the HUNDRED DOLLAR RENT at your mom's house. Fucking find a real apartment & do something with yourself. You know better than this, man. You fucking know better.


Yeah, that's all I have to say. I got everything out I needed to.
I tag:
Rebekah
Sarah
Vonda.
link[die.]

(no subject) [Jul. 6th, 2006|12:47 am]
[mood | frustrated]

Dear Ignorant Masses:
When I talk about missing Rebekah, you don't know how I feel. You don't know what this is fucking like. You don't understand how much she really means to me. You don't fucking understand that she's my best friend in the entire fucking world. She was part of my everyday routine, & then it just stopped. No more staying up late, eating peanut butter Oreos & drinking sweet tea & watching movies & obsessing over youtube or talking about boys or any of that shit.
She's my other half, and I fucking lost her.
I lost half of myself, and you do not know how that fucking feels.

(Please, don't leave comments saying that you really do know how it feels or that everyone has been through something like this at some point. I really don't give a fuck.)
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(no subject) [Jul. 5th, 2006|11:55 pm]
[mood | pissed the fuck off.]
[music |Comfortably Numb, Pink Floyd.]

Vonda said she wanted people to update, so here I am. I haven't done anything; I haven't even walked outside, since Monday. I haven't showered since yesterday morning.

I fucking love CheezIts (& green tea).

It's fifteen days until my birthday, and all I really want is a plane ticket to Baton Rouge. : (

I love Hey, Jealousy by the Gin Blossoms very much. The first time I heard it was at a show. I was with Candace, and Morrus was playing. And I just hated their lead singer.
Haha. The times they are a-changin'.

I'm talking to this guy, Zeb, on MSN, & he's driving me fucking krasie. All he wants to talk about is politics, & I frankly don't feel like being so pissed off.
link[7 dead.|die.]

(no subject) [Jul. 5th, 2006|02:14 am]
[music |Broken Wings, Sage Francis.]

( My fear of mustard & pickles is ruining my life. )
link[die.]

Don't ever let me go. [Jul. 4th, 2006|04:03 pm]
Currently Listening To: A Walk Through Hell, Say Anything

Currently Reading: Mrs. Dalloway, Virginia Woolf

 

I hope you know this is about you.
My memory may be a little blurred; I may mix the truth with what I wished to believe was true.  But I think I'll get my point across.

 

I still remember everything about you (even after all this time).  I remember the sound of your voice & the smell of your cologne & the way your hand felt pressed against my back.  I remember your lips & the way they always tasted.
Like bubblemint.
Anyway, I just want you to know I think about you, more often than every once in a while.  And I miss you like krasie.
I still love you with every fiber of my being.
link[die.]

(no subject) [Jun. 30th, 2006|03:24 pm]
I'm leaving for Somerset around 5:30, today, and I won't be back until Monday night. A break from the monotony of my house should be good; swimming & shopping all weekend sounds like a good idea to me.

Next Friday & Saturday, I'm going to King's Island with my youth group. I'm excited, mainly because it's an opportunity to hang with Stephanie & catch up on all the stuff I've missed. I talked to her on the phone, today, and I was very happy about that. I love Stephanie.

With the exception of this weekend & the next, I'm completely free, always. If anyone wants to do something, let me know. srsly. :|
link[die.]

(no subject) [Jun. 28th, 2006|11:57 pm]
My days, of late, are filled with blue & melancholy. Whether it be due to my lack of Rebekah or nicotine, I don't like it.
I just haven't felt like myself in quite some time.

Sigh.
I should be in bed.
link[3 dead.|die.]

(no subject) [Jun. 28th, 2006|03:41 pm]
Step 1: Put your MP3 player or whatever on random.
Step 2: Post the first line(s) from the first 30 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Strike out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 5: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING.


1. Baby, I'm gonna leave you. I said, baby, you know I'm gonna leave you.

2. You moved like honey in my dream, last night.

3. Every time you point your finger, three more point back at you; I'm not sayin' it's something wrong with life, 'cause that's a sad excuse.

4. Whenever I come back, the air on Railroad is making the same sound, and the the shop fronts on Holly are dirty words.

5. Hello, is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone home?
Comfortably Numb, Pink Floyd
[info]cpaperheartsc

6. Laura, are you still living there on your estate of sorrow? You used to leave it occasionally, but now you don't even bother.

7. Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me; I'm not sleepy, & there is no place I'm going to.

8. If I'm just a slave to my high school days, then when does a boy become a man?

9. There's a salt water film on the jar of your ashes; I threw them to sea, but a gust blew them backwards & the sting in my eyes that you then inflicted was par for the course, just as when you were living.

10. Spent my days with a woman unkind; smoked my stuff & drank all my wine.

11. I was hanging with the fellas, saw you with your new boyfriend; it made me jealous.

12. I'd give a twenty-one gun salute with the toy rifle that you bought me, but it won't shoot.

13. If you've got leavin' on your mind, tell me now, get it over; hurt me now, get it over, if you've got leavin' on your mind.

14. You'll never see the courage I know; its colour's richness won't appear within your view.

15. I don't want to be the filler if the void is solely yours.

16. I'm doin' this tonight; you're probably going to start a fight; I know this can't be right, hey, baby, come on.
Bye, Bye, Bye, Nsync
[info]cpaperheartsc

17. Gonna make a mistake; gonna do it on purpose; gonna waste my time, 'cause I'm full as a tick & I'm scratching at the surface.
Mistake, Fiona Apple
[info]g_funkgangsta

18. There's no beginning to this story, a bookshelf sinks into the sand, and a language learned & forgot, in turn, is studied once again.

19. Driving off through the downtown streets, I am all alone.

20. I'm a hustla, homie, got the product - narcotics for the customers.

21. Oh, whatcha gonna do, Katie? You're a sweet, sweet girl, but it's a cruel, cruel world.

22. Emily tries, but misunderstands; she's often inclined to borrow somebody's dreams until tomorrow.

23. And I'd give up forever to touch you, 'cause I know that you'd feel me, somehow; you're the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be, & I don't want to go home right now.
Iris, The Goo Goo Dolls
[info]g_funkgangsta

24. I go out walking after midnight, out in the moonlight, just like we used to do; I'm always walking after midnight, searching for you.
Walking After Midnight, Patsy Cline
[info]g_funkgangsta

25. Man, I promise she's so self-conscious; she has no idea what she's doing in college.

26. I know she told you, Honey I know she told you that she loved you much more than I did, but all I know is that she left you, and you swear that you just don’t know why, but you know, honey I’ll always, I’ll always be around if you ever want me.

27. These arms of mine, they are lonely, lonely & feeling blue. These arms of mine, they are yearning, yearning from wanting you.

28. Hey, hey baby, I wanna know if you'll be my girl. Hey, hey baby, I wanna know if you'll be my girl. When I saw you walkin' down the street, I said 'That's the kinda gal I'd like to meet. She's so pretty; Lord, she's fine. I wanna make her mine, all mine.'

29. Sometimes, I think this cycle never ends; we slide from top to bottom, & we turn & climb again, & it seems - by the time I have figured what it's worth - the squeaking of our skin against the steel has gotten worse.

30. How many roads must a man walk down, before you call him a man? How many seas must the white dove sail, before she sleeps in the sand? Yes, and how many times must the cannonballs fly, before they are forever banned?
Blowin' in the Wind, Bob Dylan
[info]g_funkgangsta



I love you, livejournal friends.
link[4 dead.|die.]

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